Tag: fun fiction

S.O.S

A Ryanair 747 flight is on its way to Paris. It flies at about 800 km/h at 34,000 feet. Suddenly, out of nowhere a super duper Turbo Mach 2 comes alongside!

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the 747, and gets on the radio: “Féach ar seo! Watch this!”

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the 747 and asks: “Well, can you match that?”

The Ryanair pilot answers: “That’s really good, but watch this!”

The jet pilot watches the 747, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 5 minutes, the Ryanair pilot radios, “Well, what do you think?”

Confused, the jet pilot asks, “What did you do?”

The Ryanair pilot says: “I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, read yesterday’s sports results, then got a cup of coffee, and a chocolate fudge pastry.”

The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed seems great. But as you get older, you learn that other factors are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, and Smarter.

I’m now sixty-five. If you’re anywhere around my age, slow down. It’s a smart move!

This is me today:

  • I jog slowly. No more running.
  • I cycle slowly.
  • I start the day slowly.
  • I stretch slowly.
  • I breathe slowly.

Until recently, I was a Turbo Mach 2. Bye bye baby.

Verbascum

Did you know? The leaves of some species are also known for their soft, fuzzy texture, which has led to their historical use as toilet paper or as a material for torches.

Verbascum is commonly known as mullein, native to Europe, Asia, and North Africa but have been naturalized in various parts of the world.

These plants are known for their tall stature, with some species reaching heights of up to 2 meters (6.5 feet). They have a biennial growth habit, meaning they typically complete their life cycle over two years. In the first year, they produce a basal rosette of large, soft, fuzzy leaves. In the second year, they send up a tall flowering stalk, which is adorned with numerous small, yellow flowers.

The flowers of Verbascum are arranged in dense spikes or racemes, and they have five petals with prominent stamens. The flowers typically open from the bottom of the spike upwards, providing an elongated blooming period. Mullein flowers are attractive to pollinators like bees and butterflies.

Verbascum plants have a long history of medicinal and herbal uses. Traditionally, the leaves and flowers of certain species have been used to make herbal teas, tinctures, and extracts. Mullein is often sought after for its soothing properties and is commonly used for respiratory conditions such as coughs, bronchitis, and asthma.

In addition to its medicinal uses, Verbascum has also been valued as an ornamental plant in gardens. Some popular cultivars have been developed for their attractive flower colors, including shades of yellow, purple, and white. Due to their tall stature, mullein plants are often used as vertical accents or to add architectural interest to garden landscapes.

I grew this from seed in 2021 and it’s still going strong. So much for just lasting two years!

Television And Toast

At breakfast, Marion wants to know will we pay the TV licence. Páraig doesn’t count to ten. Before she can say anymore, he’s in like a rocket.

Páraig: I’m thinking no, I won’t pay it. Will you visit me in jail?

Marion: But it won’t come to that. You don’t watch much television anyway.

P: Yeah, but will you visit me?

M: I suppose I will. Is this all because of that Tubridy fella?

P: Well, his agent got him a good deal, under the counter, behind the scenes. If I got a deal like that, I’d take it.

M: So, what’s the big fuss?

P: It’s the sneaky feckers in RTE that are taking us for mugs, that’s what’s bugging me.

M: Páraig, you have to let that over your shoulder. If you hang on to it you’ll become a bitter old man.

P: I’m off to sit in the garden to meditate on things.

M: Good idea. Before you go off for your deep meditation, would you be a dear and put on another slice of toast for me please? In fairness, that meditation is good for both of us!

Background information:

RTÉ is the Irish public service radio and television broadcaster, funded by the Irish Government. In addition to a large salary, Ryan Tubridy was paid 345,000 in secret payments since 2017. Salary cuts had been imposed to reduce costs.

75,000 per year was paid for by Renault (for 3 promotional events per year) and deducted from what they agreed to pay RTE as Late Late Show sponsors. This was underwritten by RTE so when they were unable to pay him during Covid because no appearances were possible, RTE were obliged to pay him and the shady deal came to light when auditors picked up on this.

P.

Launch Of My First Book

At breakfast, Páraig announced details of The First Book Launch. Marion listened but she wasn’t pleased.

This is JUST FOR FUN! There may be an actual real proper launch later this year.

At breakfast, Páraig announced details of The First Book Launch. Marion listened but she wasn’t pleased.

Páraig: It’s going to be a small affair. Maybe something like our Open Garden Day in 2021.

Marion: You’re losing it, Páraig. A book launch is supposed to be public. How on earth can people come to it if they don’t know about it?

P: I’d fancy an invite-only coffee morning. Only for friends and important people. Some prawn cocktail sandwiches maybe.

M: So how exactly will everyone know about your book? Isn’t that the whole point of having a book launch? I’d be thinking The Park Hotel.

P: No, that’s definitely out. They’re good people, upgraded to four star, but it’s not my thing. I’ll launch the book among friends. The report about the event will be great publicity. What do you think?

M: It’s your book, Páraig. You do it your way! I suppose you’ll invite me?

P: I couldn’t have written it without you. Can you make those prawn sandwiches?

Rapunzel

Páraig has returned to the hotel in Lisbon, having been out searching for Rapunzel at a disused fairy castle in Sintra. Marion is not pleased.

Páraig has returned to the hotel in Lisbon, having been out searching for Rapunzel at a disused fairy castle in Sintra. Marion is not pleased.

Marion: Ah, you’re back. I hope you’re pleased with yourself!

Páraig: You know what, I’ll never do that ever again. She said she would meet me in Sintra but she never showed up.

M: Stood you up, did she? Serves you right. You’re an eejit to be believing them fairy tales.

P: Yeah,I know that now, but I needed to find out for myself. I can’t be putting up with you telling me what’s what all the time.

M: No sign of her at all?

P: Not even a whiff. I waited for twenty minutes and I had a good look around.

M: Ah now, there’s a thing! Women worth waiting for are worth a lot more than twenty minutes. I’ve told you that umpteen times.

P: I know that now. I was only half listening.

Not As Easy As You Think

Páraig has been writing a book since February. Marion urges him to take a rest, otherwise he will be burned out.

The Scene: Páraig has been writing a book since February. Marion urges him to take a rest, otherwise he will be burned out.

Marion: You’ve been at for 14 whole weeks. Can’t you give yourself a rest?

Me: I’m wrecked from it. I never thought it would be so hard.

M: Promise me you’ll go easy. You’re not looking great. Bit of sunshine and some red wine would do you good.

Me: I already cut back from writing five days a week to four. Maybe I’ll reduce my workload a bit more. I could become a part time writer?

M: You were always good to have my dinner on the table, but these last few weeks you’re slipping up. Just salads, day in day out. I’ll be glad when it gets finished.

Me: Yeah, to be honest, I need a kick up the arse every now and then. I’m fading away.

Moral of the story: Same as last week!