Paragraph 7b of my Transparency Policy (Europe and Bolivia) requires me to state that this is fiction. Formed within from nowt.
All done now. Easy it was, really. Not a bother. Well, not too much bother. I uninvented Dead Easy App. It had been on my mind for a while.
Back in 2009 I had spent a few weeks putting the code together, and realised I was on to something big, and I mean gi-normously big. To summarise, versions of Dead Easy App were downloaded 9.7 million times within the first year and by 2021 the number shot up beyond 3 billion. Its success was all but ensured because I chose to make it available freely. I wanted no reward other than the satisfaction of seeing phone users benefitting from my work, and my name forever Oscared.
In a short time, millions of Mobilers were able to use phones while walking. Walking to the bus. Walking down busy footpaths. Chatting with friends. Teenagers, small children and many a willing adult came on board. Brilliant for young mothers pushing prams and buggies. Dead Easy App took care of all outside interruptions.
In the years since the launch, there has not been even a single incident of users crashing into one another. It does exactly what it says. Users are able to go about most daily tasks without having to shift their gaze from the screen. Examples such as walking the dog, eating a sandwich, paying contactlessly, chatting over a coffee, even cycling, can all be done safely without ever looking at anyone. The screen is queen. Or king if you want it that way.
Human interaction diminished and quickly drew to a standstill. Imagine the busy bustling scenes of downtown New York or Dublin, many thousands brushing almost shoulder to shoulder, never quite touching, and all the while reading, streaming and thumbing the addictive screens! It’s a matrix for the new millennium!
I’m sure you can see why a very small minority protested vigorously. Indeed they did. They wanted eye contact and the tactile nudge of strangers. Bigots and over-educated do-gooders. In their quest to be seen and heard, they tried very deliberately to push and shove their way through crowds, in supermarkets and even on sponsored charity walks. But Dead Easy App was built for such idiots! Attempts to outwit the Walking Dead failed miserably on all continents, and even on Dublin’s southside.
Fast forward to January 2023. User numbers have stabilised at 4.7 billion. People just don’t need to look where they’re going any more, and most would agree that productivity levels have increased exponentially. Every minute of the day can now be devoted to watching the small screen and keeping up to date with the entire outside world, all without a hello or how-are-you.
In my dream last Tuesday, the damage caused by Dead Easy hit home horribly. I awoke in a panicky sweat. Even before feeding the confused dog, I fired up the old laptop. It took me less than twenty minutes to add some extra code and when I finished, there appeared four additional items on the main menu. For clarity, here’s the top line:
- Abort Everything
- Say Hello
- Breathe It All In
- All Of The Above
I was clear in my mind that I wanted to go back to 2009. Just to be sure, I waited a while longer. My hands trembled. I made myself a cup of cocoa with some honey, and minutes later, I pressed the button.
The world turned upside down. It was akin to giving the dog a bone and taking it away. Confusion abounded, and will for a long while to come. Listening skills will need relearning from scratch. So too gestures, facial expressions and people skills. All destroyed utterly in such a short number of years.
6 thoughts on “Backwards Is Good”
Goodness, Páraig, you are having a moment of rebellion, regret and reconsideration – this latter simply for the sake of alliteration. You made me reflect on yesterday’s interactions with people. They were few, to be honest, as we only left home to go for a walk in the afternoon. We went to Dunmore East and took the cliff walk to Portally Cove, returning via the same route rather than the recommended circuit which brings one back along the road. That way is too busy with traffic for comfortable walking! At remembered reckoning we met between a dozen and twenty people as we walked. A group of four were chatting loudly, joking and having fun as they took photographs of each other against the background of the cliffs – using their mobile ‘phones. None of the other people we met had ‘phones in hand; all smiled, saluted, passed the time of day as we encountered each other. Perhaps, the use of your programmes is not as widespread as you feared! Back to your question: What would I uninvent? If I could, I would like to uninvent the cult of celebrity – that present day celebrity which attaches to people of no achievement! And, if I could invent….well, something to get certain people to write more regularly! On yer bike!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Paddy, a chara, you don’t do things by half! That’s nearly a full essay in itself.
Ar aon nós, thanks for such a wonderful reply.
Yes, I’m experimenting again. I’m excited that your trip to Dunmore East and Portally was uplifting. There is goodness and beauty all about.
I hope all is well at your end of the Déise, and I’ll do my best to write on. I did like it very much back in the day.
Oh, and I’ll have to check Portally on the map. Beir bua.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The cliff walk in Dunmore East continues beyond Portally as far as Ballymacaw. The disadvantage is that it is a linear walk which is a little awkward. The Blue Walk – Carrick on Suir to Clonmel along the banks of the Suir is another good walk.
This is brilliant!❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad you like it. I do love a bit of madness!